I just got back from a two and a half week vacation in the Philippines. Prior to leaving, I was set on maintaining my sobriety. It started with a glass of wine with one of our first dinners. Throughout the trip I maybe drank on 6 nights, getting drunk a couple of times. Throughout the trip I maintained that this was not reality and that it is okay because I am safe with my partner. Prior to this trip, it had been more than nine months of sobriety. Looking back, I feel like I have thrown those nine months out the window and now I have to start fresh, with all the temptations that existed when I stopped drinking in the first place. There has to be a healthier way to look at this, but right now I am struggling.
I am not sure how to proceed at this point. I have been back a week and haven’t drank but the temptation has been extra huge. I no longer have those nine proud months behind me but a mere 2 weeks.
One of the nights I got too drunk and my partner had to take care of me. This is a classic and all too common experience for when I am drinking. I thought on this trip, I would just check and see if I was able to be able to have just a few drinks and enjoy the night. Other nights I was proud of myself for being able to stop without craving the need to get really drunk, but this night was different.
The next morning when I woke up wanting to due of a hangover, embarrassment and self loathing, I realized that this alcohol-for-leisure lifestyle that so many adults partake in is not something that I cannot handle. I realized that my partner and I have a much better relationship when we are sober. I was also reminded that I can have a really good time out without being drunk. Its been a hard year trying to find joy when other people are drinking, but I am realizing that I just need to let that go and make my own joy.
If anyone else has had any experiences with slipping up, words of wisdom and encouragement are appreciated.